February 16, 2012 jennyrain

On Fear & Risk | And being able to breathe again…

My OneWord for 2012 is Risk.

To me risk requires courage, courageousness, fearlessness in spite of opposition, taking a step even when I feel like I will lose your breath.

There are all kinds of areas in my life where RISK is staring me in the face, yet I question if it’s “the right time” or “the right action” or “what is most Christ-like” or “what brings the most redemption” or “what is the right response amidst opposition.”

Truthfully, I have lost my breath in and amidst circumstances and my lack of oxygen is crushing my voice and ability to act. 

Life has happened. Stuff has happened. Good stuff and not so good stuff. But the net result is that – Risk – although ever present and an answer in some cases – may not be the OneWord I need in every case. Yet sitting dully back and ignoring risk may be a peril to my soul, my voice, and my heartbeat.

When there are no emotions attached, I am carefree with my risk. You know that place where things are not close to the bone and where mistakes are a pebble on the highway towards learning so perfectionists like me can accept them more readily.

But some things cut deeper.

Some things have gone on longer and become a part of the landscape of my soul. They can not be so easily escaped with activity toward learning and they just have to be “sat in” for awhile until wisdom comes.

That’s where I am.

Losing my breath, having a stare-down with Risk, and feeling wisdom drip through my fingers like sand… yet knowing that this, yes even this, is part of the journey too.

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About the Author

jennyrain I break things and trip a lot. I like to chase things like dreams, goals, ideas, and raindrops. I create things with words. Writing has been an outlet since I first discovered the magic empty space of a journal. Words dance around in my brain and often land amidst scraps of paper, find their way into journals, or etch themselves into blinking pixels. I hope my words fall like rain on tender souls in need of refreshing. Finding photos in random moments helps me share stories. During a trip to Africa the perfect trifecta of my first DSLR, mission trip, and dream-location happened and my love of photography became a reality. I'm currently writing my first book, "Will They Laugh if I Call You Daddy: Growing up with 2 Dads in an Evangelical World," I'm a board member for One Million Kids, and I believe that every kid of an LGBT parent should have an opportunity to #ChangeTheConversation with their story. My bio remains in process because I am.

Comments (7)

  1. Keep staring down the Risk — it will blink first.  It takes much courage, but may the Force be with you.  You are loved…and cherished…and have a God who  will always be with You.

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